if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
