You're completely useless in the revolution.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
