I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize