If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fuck appropriateness.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
