i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
