I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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