I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
