Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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