I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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