brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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