Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
