she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
