Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
