I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
