tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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