dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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