I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
