I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
