yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
