um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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