she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize