I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
