I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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