the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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