He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize