I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
