i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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