By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
