At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
