Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
