Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
