butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
