I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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