and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
