from now on my penis is your penis
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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