I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
