i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
