Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
