k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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