I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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