Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
