did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
