Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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