I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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