she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
