You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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