We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
