Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
