Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
