i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
