You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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