Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
