That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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