Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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