This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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