somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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