last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
