well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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