I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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