THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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