What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
