dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
