seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
