If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize