just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
