i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
