We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
